fire flame burn hot brand from Pixabay

I Am The Damned — Why The Hell Am I Content?

I want to stay that way.

Salvation isn’t something I seek because the owing for loss of innocence never was needed.

The outer shell must fall and reveal the sanctum of what we believed is diety truly is our fear and pain manifest in imagined salvation we never had nor will have when in all proof there is no salvation only the suffering we must learn to love and be content in.

What a bunch of hot air that was.

Damn, be happy with what you have. Embrace pain and discomfort, smile and conquer the world.

Anyway, who the hell do I think I am?

I want to be a cowboy of the wild west of soap boxes(And, maybe a little bit of making sense.)

To embrace the innermost being, that is the question. Can we do it? Or, is it all an illusion to trick our conscience into believing that most of the crap we see in the world is worth a second of our time.

To me, most everything is anathema, an abomination, hated dreck except the real primal love deep in my rotting blood. In this I mean love. Real, honest love. The kind to find staring back at you in the eyes of your child, your parents, and if you’re fortunate your partner.

If you are extremely fortunate you may even find this phenomenal affection with a friend.

Then there are those souls who can find this love and express it with strangers and that is beyond exceptional.

This is the crux. Strive for it. I think we all have a rare moment when this kind of grace touches us or we give it. Think of those that give it most of their lives.

Work for that. It’s difficult for me. I’m working for it. Being nice and having empathy, that is top level.

So, I’m damned and it’s okay because in a little patch sitting in my skull is a scintilla, a tiny spark firing up, pointing me toward being a bit nicer every day. And, still, I fail a lot.

Some days my pointer is broken and at other times it’s right on target. Most of my teeth are straight but I have a couple of crooked ones due to me never wearing braces. My thoughts and actions are like that too.

I refused to see a psychologist when I was a teenager. Therapy was forced upon me.

I didn’t want it.

Kind of like refusing mental braces that might have helped to correct my emotional dissonance.

Fortunately, I went to a counselor for several years as a screwed up adult. Now, I’m a little less screwy.

It’s most important, for me to take responsibility for what I am.

This principle is a priority for all to welcome. It can be scary. It’s freedom. Until you internalize responsibility for all you are and do one is a servant to every element of influence and so reactionary.

Learning to respond by being grounded with great integrity lets any person dictate their own course and direction. To help this integrity important questions are to be asked and pulled from the self.

Why am I? Who am I? What am I? Where am I in my life? How am I being productive? How do my actions affect those closest to me? The more questions you ask the more you think.

Let’s call them: MEASQ(Me Ask Questions).

Refining your thinking for the best outcome produces better results. Optimized results lead to a more content life.

Photo by Emily Morter on Unsplash

Who has time to ask all these questions?

I don’t know about you but there isn’t time to do self-examination before every action. This is where meditation comes into play.

A few suggestions for meditation time in our busy world may take a small bit of sacrifice on your part but the payoff is invaluable.

  • A few minutes before getting out of bed in the morning. Use this time to set yourself up for success by doing your MEASQ. (Phone Off)
  • Before going to sleep several times a week. Use this time to program your mind to solve issues, come up with great solutions, and train yourself to envision accomplishing success. The MEASQ will aid getting to your goals here with a few minutes of meditation before snoozing. (Phone Off)
  • Any time in the middle of the day when you have a moment of silence, no screen, and you can decide to not allow a distraction. That’s right — you decide. Put earplugs in, listen to classical music, zone out, center your mind, be in charge of your own thoughts and MEASQ.
  • Meditation, prayer, centering, mindfulness, zoning. Call it what you will. Make time. Breathe and be free with your self.

Contemplate and act.

Practice the knowledge you espouse and gain.

Realize the imperfections, pain, heartache, laughter, and joy in your soul.

Internalize and accept hurt and mold it into a new thing.

Think not on what you don’t have but what you always have which can not be taken away, the inner you, your me.

Use your talents, your genius, and your creative spirit to be productive in love, for those in need, for passion, and to keep learning every day.

So, I’m damned and content with it. That’s cool I’m going to keep on breathing and living a little better each day for my children, my wife, and the rest of my family. That is salvation.

And, if I can add substance and help one person’s life outside of my personal circle then I have another salvation.

Ain’t life grand.

Bringing real feelings along with messages of inspiration and imagination to life. Awakening is the symptom of my infectious condition. Poetry is my condition.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store